First of all, I would like to apologize for the abrupt two or three week hiatus. The lack of updates were mostly due to work, and also due to profound laziness and a need to follow the World Cup and the NBA Finals. By the way, the final score should have been USA 3, Slovenia 2. Sorry, had to throw that in there.
With Father’s Day coming up, all that is the rage has to do with fathers. Commercials casually fling around ‘Father’s Day sales’ and ‘get something sweet for dad’. But what is Father’s Day, like Mother’s Day, really commemorating? In my view, Father’s Day should be a day of self reflection for fathers, or otherwise called ‘dads’, and allow men with children to look at themselves in the mirror and ask ‘have I been part of my child’s life?’ and ‘did I try to be there for my child?’. Also, Father’s Day should be a day of appreciating your dad, or simply giving a nod to the fact that, in fact, there was a father in your life so that you came to be in this world. This is about the difference between a father and a dad. They are the same in a literal sense, but if you stop and look at it with more emotion, you may realize that they are not the same.
In my personal experience of growing up, I went without a real father figure for most of my adolescent years. My dad was never home, always out and about, either working or somewhere else. I never really knew why I didn’t see him all that much. It wasn’t later until I realized, there was someone else in his life, and because he couldn’t be with that person at first, he was taking a second stab at it, and breaking everything he had in the process. There were other things that I won’t discuss, but when all of this was revealed to me, it was pretty devastating. I mean, who wouldn’t be if they suddenly found out that they nearly died at birth? Who wouldn’t be upset knowing that their birth had controversy attached to it?
I went through grade school while living with my mom and eventually my mom got the divorce she needed to free herself from her previous existence. In middle school, my mom met the man who would become my step-father, or otherwise called, my dad.
So here’s the difference. i feel that fathers have to earn the title of ‘dad’. Doesn’t the word ‘Father’ just feel like such a formal word? I hardly know anyone who just says “this is my father” anymore, versus “this is my dad” or “this is my old man”. ‘Father’ feels very distant. The word gives the feeling that you recognize that person was required for you to be born, but that you refuse to confirm any deeper relation to that person. That is what a ‘father’ feels like to me.
The word ‘dad’ feels much softer, and feels much less formal and takes less effort to say. Saying ‘dad’, is the short and easy way to refer to the man who contributed to your birth. Dad is the man who was there when you fell off your bike, and told you to be brave and get back on and try again. Dad is the one who taught you to throw a baseball, or how to change your car oil. Why does it feel so weird when DNA tests are done to “determine if he is the father”? No one says “determine if you are the dad”.
This Sunday, on Father’s Day, think about what your father or dad means to you. Think about whether he was just your father throughout your life, or if he ever earned the title of ‘dad’. If you are a father yourself, think about the influence that you have on your child’s life and what you can do to enhance that kid’s childhood. Just playing with him for half an hour may be good enough. Teaching him to catch a football may earn you ‘dad’ status. The truth is, kids remember what our parents have done for us, and since all of us have been kids at some point in our lives, we all know that kids never, ever forget those who have been there for us, and those who have not.
