i didn’t get it. as;jgfdsagjspgjdsfj AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I HATE THIS DAMN WORLD!

you won’t know what sweet tastes like until you’ve had bitter

The same thing applies to, you don’t know what you’ve had until you’ve lost it.

I was looking at old pictures, stuff that dates back to the beginning of college and stuff. And then I came upon some pictures of me and a certain someone who I obviously don’t talk to anymore because she obviously doesn’t need me anymore to listen to her shit at 4am. Well I did that with a lot of people haha. So the more I looked at these pictures, the more bitter I became at her. I felt that she owed me that time back, or something like that. Oh yeah… how was I to know, that I was just being a tool. Looking back, now I realize what was really going on back then.

So then I finally came to terms with it. “Yeah, so I basically tried to be the girl’s crutch when I was trying to be her lover, and that’s what she made me.” Stuck in the friend zone, the point of no return, a black hole that sucks all men into it, giving them no chance at any ass from this girl whatsoever. That I can understand, my bad, I’m an idiot. And I can appreciate that this girl basically taught me that being a girl’s tool was not going to win her heart. I think most of us learn it the hard way. What I do not appreciate, however, is the disappearing act.  listening to you bitch and cry at all times of day and night and even in class was not my idea of a fun time. Yeah, thanks for not being there to listen to me or put yourself out on a limb for me. I believed in at the very least, trying to be a good person to everyone. You made me give up on that.

But, thanks for showing me reality. The slap in the face and kick in the groin was good for me. I hope you succeed in whatever you choose to pursue in your future. All I know, is that I will not be in it. And for all I know, that is a damn good thing. I know you found someone, I hope he treats you well and you are happy with him. Peace.

in moderation, alcohol is awesome.

i went to rouge, again, on friday with mick and alex. My personal goal for the night: to drink, drink, drink, and drink.  For some reason, every time alex k. and i go clubbing, the only thing we do is to try to drink as much as we can. It was pretty nice to just chill listen to some music (even though it was a mediocre DJ) and kick it with some old school buddies. In the various conversations that went on last night, I did realize something important about people, and myself in general.

we love agreement. we hate disagreement.

If you’ve ever looked into a group of friends, say… your own close knit group of friends, you’d realize that as different as you all are, you’re all the same. How? Everyone agrees with each other on key issues. The “best friends” in a group always tend to agree with each other more (or are more willing to compromise) than the others in the group. I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand hanging out with someone who disagrees with me on a lot of various issues. This made me think, so are the friendships that I have made and developed over time just convenient?

In a way, yes. I used to worry and wonder why I could never meet any girls at bars or clubs, and I realized, is cuz there’s no incentive there. The convenience isn’t there. Unless this girl thinks I’m drop dead sexy or I buy her drinks all night long, then she’s not going to give me the time of day, let alone let me have a dance with her. Why does the bartender make small talk with you and takes some time to be your friend? Because she knows that you will buy drinks from her, and you will bring friends that will buy drinks from her. Convenient, no?

Yeah, and once again, for the third night in a row, I will go clubbing. And, you will probably find me at the bar, drinking my 7 and 7’s scoping out the crowd. This time, rollin’ with my cousin and his people to suite181. Call me if you’re gonna be there tonight!

on my way to my house in San Leandro today, I couldn’t help but feel that there was something wrong. You know, that feeling of imminent doom. As usual, I shrugged it off as nothing and moved on with life. Everything is going pretty smoothly. Trimming the branches off the giant apricot tree. And then we see a large section of the tree that I can’t reach from where my ladder is positioned. So, like a true “I know everything” man, I decide to climb up to the roof via this flimsy old overhang that we have. Now, I’ve walked on this thing before, and i was just as heavy as I am now. so everything is going fine because I’m actually walking on the beams that support it, and then all of a sudden, my leg shoots through the aluminum sheets of the overhang, I lose balance, and proceed to come crashing down on to the cold, hard concrete.

I knew it was coming. I kept telling myself “I knew this was a bad idea,” the entire way down from the top of overhang to the ground. Although it was a very short 2-3 seconds, it probably felt more like a whole minute. On my way down, I took out, well, the overhang (there’s a big hole in it now), and a bbq grill that the family that lives there owns.

Anyways, I landed on the left side of my back. I made absolutely no sound when i came in contact with the concrete, because it was just that damn hard. The pain jolted through my body like someone had just hit me with a baseball bat. It hurt so bad, in fact, tears were coming out of my eyes because the pain was so overwhelming. I wanted to cry because there was no other way for me to let out the pain, so instead, I did the only honorable thing and just yelled out in pain, haha. My mom freaked out, my dad freaked out. I think I scared the crap out of them, seeing as how I could’ve landed on my head.

I’m actually ok. I don’t think I broke anything, at worse I might have cracked a rib or two. The left side of my body is still in horrible pain and swollen. I have cuts and gashes all over the left side of my arms and legs. The right side, however, is unscathed. Too bad we humans don’t always land on our feet.

People have also said for thousands of years that spirits live in trees, and even my mom was saying, “that tree probably didn’t take kindly to you cutting it.” And yeah, I think that tree proved it’s point. In the end, Tree: 1, Me: 0. So, kids, don’t fuck with trees, because they’ll fuck with you right back.